I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Randomize
