It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
