Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
