took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You are the jesus of drinking
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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