Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
