I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Bring me that man meat
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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