NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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