He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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