Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
