i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
