I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
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I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
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Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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