Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
