respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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