Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
