What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
