So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
