You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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