You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
