you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I didn't notice because vodka
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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