Your face is a jimmy john
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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