Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize