Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I didn't notice because vodka
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
