You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
