He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Found the puke drawer
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
