My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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