so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
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This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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