careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
