In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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