Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
