I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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