He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
