every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
