youre lurking in front of me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
