just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
