I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
