I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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