One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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