his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
