you guys were way drunker than both of me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
