she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
