I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
