It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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