I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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