I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
