so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
