And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
