Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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