I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
