This is not my ceiling
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
