can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
