the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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