i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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