Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
