News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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