the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
