I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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