I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wish there were birth control emojis
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
