somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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