He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
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I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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